I’ve made peace with a dirty and long-hidden side of myself—my unconscious will to failure.
When things get really stressful, a part of me wants to crumble.
I understand why I would have this emotion. This is my devil.
Succeeding takes enormous investment, while giving up requires no more.
Success involves stress and painful growth, while turning a blind eye does not.
Becoming a master consists of setting ever loftier goals as achievements are made, while coasting or descending trades hard work for easy pleasure.
If you’re a utilitarian, you might look at this side-by-side comparison and vote for higher-pleasure failure. But if you look further into the future, you’d note that, though initially worse, success offers more and higher quality pleasure.
Work renews the body, mind and spirit, while idling breeds weakness, senility, and apathy.
Failure ceases the need and desire to work, and without working we become weak. When we stop creating and aspiring, playing as God incarnate, we become our alternate persona: a devolved weak devil, bent on death.
Additionally, we find comfort in failure because it’s the only way we’ve ever learned or grown. An appropriate mix of success and failure is required for a great life.
So it seems our wires are crossed; success and failure both offer pleasure. You can reprogram your will to reincentivise success and decentivise failure, or you can exercise your will to handle the conflict. I suggest both.
Don’t believe me; think.
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